Lacerations
by Mizer Manakins
Summary: Yamato's gone, and Tai intends to follow him... He promised.


**Lacerations**

**By Mizer Manakins**

**Manakins says:** Ah, lets see… For some reason I want to write another rather sad fic about death… Hm… I can only wonder why… But I remember reading a fic quite a while ago and they used the lovely word lacerations… isn't it pretty? I love that word. It sounds so… inviting, ne? An enticing word that only leads me to write this fanfiction.

I went back and reread Departure and I feel so bad… I killed my beloved Yama-kun. He's kinda become my best friend in a way(don't worry Minni-chan! No one takes your place). I just keep thinking up more, and become even more attached to him, and then I read that I killed him. Did I upset anyone? Because I feel bad now.

So I'll write another. But I'm not sure what's going to happen this time.

* * *

I look back and see just how beautiful he was there in the end. It was an escape for him. And escape from the pain of his father, and all the suffering I caused him. But I'll join him soon. And we'll be always together.

Sweet pain. That was all I knew for months last year. Ah, yes.. it was because of him. I told him I'd never leave him, so I tried to convince him to stop. He was getting paler and paler, and it just made me sick to my stomach. If it wasn't for me in the first place… Maybe…

We were in love. Or at least I thought so. He was my Yama, and I was his Tai. We were happy… Or maybe just naïve. That was probably it. It's not like I knew any better. Neither of us had ever really been in a serious relationship before, much less with… well, another guy.

I was seventeen when I first realized how I felt about him, and I didn't understand it. I just… ya know, _liked_ him. Couldn't explain it. Nothing. It took me about a year before I realized maybe I should _tell_ him, and much to my surprise, he said he told me he felt the same. Okay, fine, it was more like a lot of him blushing and stumbling for words and acting TOTALLY uncool (so adorable, by the way) but in the end we ended up together. We kept it a secret for obvious reasons. If we were to be open about it, we'd have to deal with our friends and worse, our families. I can see my friends being fine with it, if not supportive, but… I never really wondered what my parents would do about it. I had never asked them what their opinions on that issue were, and Yama's father was somewhat… iffy on those subjects. We kept it a swe.

He was my everything.. Until his father found out his son had a boyfriend. I don't think he cared what happened after then to my beloved Yamato, and it pained me to see the effects of what he had done to him. So we made a pact. He would save money, as would I, and we'd run away to be together. We could move to the city, away from his father, away from all the people we knew we could hurt. We could be free from our former lives, and start anew. Anything was possible in this fantasy, and we wanted to live fully together. Forever, we promised.

And soon forever it shall be.

There were days I wouldn't see him at all, and when I did, he could barely speak. I hated seeing him like this, so I began to think of ways to save him. If I didn't do something soon, he might not survive to see our utopian life.

I should have known better, but we had to think fast. And things got drastic. My parents were beginning to worry about me, but it was Yamato who needed help. He rarely saw anyone but me and that beast… and I wished I could move him out to our place, but his father had a temper, and would be even more enraged if he moved in with me and my family. And I didn't want trouble for Kari and my parents. What had they done wrong? It was my fault things were this way.

I wish it could have been me sometimes. So he wouldn't have to suffer for what was my doing in the first place. But that would be a little too much to ask for.

I feel terrible sometimes, but it seemed to best in his best interest. I went to visit him one day while his father was at work, and it tore me apart. He was so broken, almost no spirit left, but he told me he loved me. I held him close to me, stroking his hair, and time seemed like it would never end. I remember dozing off only to be awakened by a howl of rage. I jumped up and he was there in the hovering in the doorway, and I could tell he was ready to strike. Yamato clung to my arm. I can still feel him trembling, and I knew I couldn't let him lay a hand on my beloved. I frantically searched for a way out, but the doorway was blocked and there was the choice of the balcony or the closet. Being closest to the balcony, I dashed, dragging the blonde behind me.

Everything after that was a blur to me. I recall a scuffle, yelling, and somehow that asshole toppled over the side rail. I froze. My throat constricted, but I knew we were free. And I also knew we had to get away from here as soon as possible.

I felt like no hero. I was a coward and I still am. All I could think about was my Yamato. Now he wouldn't be tormented by his horrible father simply because of our love. But if I was arrested for killing him…

Dead. He wasn't dead. It just didn't seem real. The whole thing was a dream, I feel, and nobody has to know but me.

But it was real. Real and messy.

That night was the last time we would see the lights of home. We clung to each other and sobbed, although sometimes I wonder exactly he was crying for.

By later that night we had everything we needed from his place, along with the savings his father had hidden in his sock drawer, and we stayed the night at my house, wondering where we would go. I packed up all my things, and after seeing how little money we had, I panicked and begged Kari to lend me her savings. She was wary at first, but somehow sensed my intentions and was gracious enough not to hate me.

I intended on paying her back, but now it just doesn't seem to have a point. It's all over now, and who can hate a dead man?

The next morning, we were gone on the train to Tokyo, and I immeadiately started searching for an apartment.

I don't know how he did it all. He seemed to be so fragile, yet he never complained one bit about how this utopia wasn't all it was cut out to be.

But we were together, nonetheless, and had managed to find an apartment. It was tiny, even by Tokyo standards, but we would be together, and that was all that mattered back then. We moved in that same day, much to my surprise, but then I saw why no one lived there. The place was a dump, but we could afford it, and put out the money for rent, leaving us… not very much.

And no furniture.

After sleeping on a makeshift pallete of our clothing, both of us knew we needed money. Yamato heard of a club where he could play his music on Thursday's with all the other amateurs in the city. If people liked it, they could tip him, and we'd be able to eat. He went off that evening with his guitar while I searched the surrounding area for 'help wanted' signs.

It was almost as if nothing had happened. We were just a happy couple struggling to survive in the big city, but sooner or later reality would come knocking. I only understand that now that it's all too late.

We had actually gotten settled down, with furniture, jobs, and a steady, although meager income. Aside from open mic on Thursdays, Yama worked at the grocery store down the street and I worked at the local McDonalds "May I take your order?"

We managed to scrape a living, and our serious impoverished state seemed to have no effect on either of us. We were away from the trouble that had caused so much pain for the both of us, and we were together. Together forever.

And now all I have of him are these scars.

I recall one night we were on the couch, and he laid his head on my lap. I gently stroked those golden locks and he looked so peaceful. He asked me what I would do if he were to die. I hated to even think about it, but I wasn't sure what to say. He was talking about death, and after that whole ordeal with his father…. I don't think how he could say things like that. I insisted I would go before him, and he wouldn't have to worry about worrying me, but then he'd have to live on without me, he protested. So I told him if he died, I'd die right along with him, and we'd enter heaven together.

Now that I look back on it, it all seems so silly how I overlooked that sign. He seemed relieved and told me that was the most romantic thing I had ever said to him.

I just hope that wasn't more _important_ than when I finally confessed my feeling for him. That was a much bigger deal, and had a lot more promise for the future.

It's too bad I didn't go with him like I promised. I mean, yes a promise is a promise, but it just didn't work that way.

So I sit here all alone, looking down on the lighted city below. I won't jump. Because that wouldn't be proper. It would cause far too much trouble for the people below, with that chance that some unsuspecting innocent youth full of life and hopes and dreams for the future may go down with me, or see it and be traumatized for life. It might be a mess and ruin business for whatever is in this building anyway. I just saw it proper to have a good view if I were to die tonight. I can't cause too much trouble, but I suppose I'm a burden to the world now anyway… because I am simply nothing without him.

I remember the days when I used to play soccer nonstop… it was such a thrill.

Now I have the thrill my dear Yamato introduced me to. His box knife he slit his wrists with in my hand. And he knew what he was doing. And I shall do the same.

No regrets. Just follow the vein in your wrist. One slice of the knife and it has begun. Prevent the wound from closing and soon you'll fall into an eternal sleep.

This sleep from which I will never return.

And my Yamato waits for me on the other side.

* * *

**Manakins says some more:** okay, so like…. Review…. Okay? It's late, I'm kinda dazed at how I ended that… A oneshot is a oneshot, I know, but I want to know what you all think of it. I guess that's it for now…. Read my other stuff too. I've updated.

R&R

Ja

Mizer Manakins


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